It’s Okay to Want Change — And Still Deserve Love Right Now

By Allison Summer, LPC | Specializing in OCD & Eating Disorders

If you’re in recovery from an eating disorder, you’ve probably heard it before:

“You just need to accept your body.”

“Love yourself exactly as you are.”

And maybe when you hear that, you feel a mix of emotions: resistance, frustration, even guilt. Because the truth is, you don’t love your body right now. You do want it to change. And hearing someone tell you to “just accept it” can feel dismissive, confusing, or even invalidating.

I want to take a moment to name that tension—and offer something more honest and compassionate in its place.

You’re Not Wrong for Wanting to Change

We live in a world that tells us, over and over, that our worth is tied to how we look. From childhood messaging to social media to harmful diet culture, it’s no wonder that part of you may long for a different body—one that feels more acceptable, more safe, more lovable.

Wanting to change your body isn’t a failure in your recovery. It’s a completely understandable desire when you’ve been taught that your value depends on your appearance. Let’s stop pretending this desire is shameful or shallow. It’s human.

The problem isn’t the desire itself. The problem is when the desire becomes the only thing that feels possible—or when it drives you to self-harming behaviors in the name of control, perfection, or acceptance.

Recovery Isn’t About Erasing Desire—It’s About Expanding Compassion

What I want for you is not to pretend you no longer care about your body, but to create more space in your life than just that one focus. To make room for self-compassion alongside frustration. To practice care for yourself even when you don’t love what you see in the mirror.

You are allowed to hold two truths at once:

• I want to change my body.

• I am still worthy of care, kindness, and nourishment today.

You don’t have to wait until you “arrive” at full body acceptance to begin treating yourself with respect. You don’t have to love your body to stop punishing it. In fact, many people find that when they begin treating themselves kindly before they believe they deserve it, healing begins to take root in powerful ways.

What If We Focused Less on Fixing and More on Listening?

Recovery doesn’t mean gaslighting yourself into loving your body overnight. It means learning how to be curious about your relationship with your body—where it came from, what it’s protecting you from, and what it might need.

Instead of demanding your body change to earn your approval, what if you started by asking: What does my body need today? What might feel caring, rather than controlling?

Some days, the answer will still be, “I wish I looked different.” That’s okay. You’re not doing recovery wrong. You’re being honest. And that honesty is exactly where deeper healing can begin.

You Are Worthy Right Now

You don’t have to give up the desire to feel better in your body. But I hope you’ll also hold the truth that your body is not the problem—and changing it will never fully meet the need that’s asking for care.

You are allowed to work toward change. But you don’t have to wait to be thin, or toned, or different to be worthy of rest, food, love, and joy. You’re worthy now.

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If you’re struggling with body image and eating disorder recovery, you don’t have to go through it alone. At A Brighter Day Wellness, we offer compassionate, evidence-based support to help you heal your relationship with food, movement, and your body.