Shame and OCD: Breaking the Silence Behind Intrusive Thoughts

By Allison Summer, LPC| Specializing in OCD & Eating Disorders

When we talk about Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), we often focus on the visible symptoms—repetitive behaviors, rituals, or intrusive thoughts. But what’s often left out of the conversation is the deep emotional undercurrent that runs beneath all of it: shame.

As a therapist who works closely with individuals navigating OCD, I’ve seen how shame quietly shapes the entire experience of the disorder. It can keep people stuck, isolated, and afraid to reach out for help. But here’s the good news: once we understand the role shame plays, we can begin to untangle it—and create space for healing.

What Is Shame, Really?

Shame is the deeply painful feeling or belief that something is wrong with you—not just your actions, but your very self. It’s different from guilt, which is more about feeling bad for something you did. Shame says:

🔹 “I’m a bad person.”

🔹 “Something is wrong with me.”

🔹 “If anyone knew what I was thinking, they’d reject me.”

How OCD Fuels Shame

OCD is built around intrusive, unwanted thoughts—often called “obsessions”—that can feel disturbing, strange, or even morally wrong. These thoughts can include violent images, fears of harming others, taboo sexual content, or religious doubts. Even though these thoughts are completely involuntary, many people feel deeply ashamed of having them.

That shame can quickly become overwhelming. People with OCD often ask themselves:

“Why would I even think that unless it meant something about me?”

This misunderstanding fuels the cycle—leading to more anxiety, more compulsions, and more secrecy.

The Vicious Cycle: Shame and Compulsions

When someone experiences a distressing thought, they may engage in compulsive behaviors (either physical or mental) to reduce their anxiety. But here’s the twist: compulsions can actually reinforce shame.

For example, if someone feels they must pray a certain way to “undo” a blasphemous thought, or check the stove 20 times to prevent a fire, they might feel embarrassed or broken for needing to do so. This can lead to self-judgment, secrecy, and a belief that no one else would understand.

Shame thrives in silence—and OCD often thrives in shame.

You Are Not Your Thoughts

Here’s what I want anyone reading this to know: intrusive thoughts are not a reflection of your character. They are a symptom of a disorder—and they say nothing about your values, intentions, or worth as a person.

In fact, the very reason these thoughts cause you distress is because they go against who you are. That’s a key hallmark of OCD: the thoughts feel intrusive, not welcome.

Healing Means Addressing the Shame, Too

OCD treatment, particularly Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), is incredibly effective. But in my work, I’ve found that true healing often also requires gently exploring the emotional layers underneath—especially shame.

This might look like:

• Talking openly about thoughts you’ve never shared before.

• Challenging the belief that you’re “bad” or “broken.”

• Building self-compassion alongside your ERP work.

• Connecting with others who’ve been through similar struggles.

You Deserve a Shame-Free Space to Heal

If shame has kept you from seeking help for OCD, please know you’re not alone—and that you don’t have to carry it by yourself. Therapy can be a space where those thoughts are met not with judgment, but with curiosity, kindness, and evidence-based tools that truly work.

You are not your OCD. You are not your thoughts. And you are absolutely worthy of healing.

Ready to take the first step? I’m here when you’re ready.

—Allison Summer, LPC

Specializing in OCD & Eating Disorders